"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;" Hebrews 12:15
Bitterroot is a plant of great cultural significance for many Native American tribes in the West. The roots were gathered, dried for storage, and used for food; often mixed with meat or berries (since it was so bitter) or used for trade.
Meriwether Lewis first collected the bitterroot for scientific research in July of 1806 after a hunter and interpreter on the Lewis & Clark Expedition had brought the plant to Lewis's attention after he was left with some of the plant parts in some woven Shoshone bags after run-in with some tribe members. Lewis later collected whole plants near Travelers’ Rest Creek, and gave them to Frederick Pursh, (a German-American Botanist) after returning East. Pursh named a new genus of the plant, Lewisii in Meriwether's honor. The species itself was named rediviva from the Latin word meaning “reviving from a dry state” due to the fact that the plant was able to grow again after it was dug up, dried whole, and stored for months, which is how Pursh received the specimen at The Academy of Natural Sciences in Philadelphia.
Bitterness and genuine gratitude to God cannot coexist. We are unable to submit humbly to the providence (divine guidance) of God while harboring bitterness. What is the “root of bitterness" and how does it make it's way into our lives?
A bitter person is generally someone who has been hurt, misused or abused whether physically or emotionally. Many perceive that God is to blame, while others are bitter at specific individuals: friends, family, the church or a spouse. The hurt may have been intentional, unintentional, or even imagined. When a bitter person is hurt, he or she may not initially deal with the problem. They begin to dwell on the hurt; to mull it over and over. Eventually, the individual begins to seek out other faults in the object of their bitterness to justify his/ her feelings.
I've become this bitter person. I've always been a negative person who can pick out flaws in loved ones, friends, coworkers, even people in the church itself. By nature, I am critical (I don't like it) and have to work hard to be a positive person.
That being said, it's been quite a long while since I've sat down to write or even felt like writing.
Here is a brief summary of the past several weeks:
After putting in my notice at my former employer, I decided that two days before my last day was enough. I was set to start my new job that following Monday, so, it wasn't a big deal. Instantly, after I texted that I was not coming back due to the stress and treatment from the day before, my anxiety was lifted and I started to get back to ME. I worked in my yard, created a plant cabinet to house some of my beautiful tropical plants, went plant shopping, rearranged and cleaned some at home and generally relaxed/ enjoyed myself....I ended up being home for a bit longer due to my equipment not being ready yet for work.
My new job is going well. I don't have a lot to do right now with training. I work for a company that I worked for before in a contract role. I am in a contract role again for at least 6 months, but I hope I can be hired on in a full-time position. I really like the company and would like to stay this time.
Here's the trouble I have been having:
The last couple weeks have been trying. I've been dealing with multiple issues at the same time. Getting my son's behavior under control, my husband went out of town for work, I was ill - my allergies were pretty heinous from the heat and air quality, which turns into a sinus infection & bronchitis. I had a few issues with our truck again, while my husband was out of town, which were resolved, thank the Lord.
I have dealt with anger, anxiety & depression for most of my life. I conquered the anger portion for the most part, but being hit on all sides with struggles with my child, issues in my marriage and general things falling apart or breaking at home have put a toll on me. I have flipped on the angry, bitter switch again and I can't quite figure out how to turn it off and just be at peace with my Savior / my life once again.
I was proud of myself for sharing my life and passion for Christ through my writing and art, but I stopped cold turkey. I let the devil get after me and I am struggling to even write that I am having trouble with where I am at in my walk with God. Mean-spirited things slip out of my mouth constantly - I am like a seething volcano ready to burst. I just want to be alone with my plants who can't hurt me.
Did leaving my critical, anxiety-ridden former job help? Yes and no. Yes, in that I got some much needed relaxation. Also, NO because I made my relaxation time my idol. My plants, cookie ingestion, naps, dog cuddling and crime shows all became my idol. Did I spend a waking moment studying God's word or attending online Bible study? Not really.
What exactly is the point I am trying to make? I want to be a Bitterroot but not a Bitter Root. A bitterroot was sustainable, valuable; USEFUL. The bitterroot found a way to THRIVE and be revived "from a dry state."
Lord, I pray you help me to thrive in this dry state and revive my spirit once again.
Art:
Painting of bitterroot by Mary E. Eaton for National Geographic Magazine, 1917 (public domain image).
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