I wrote a post about being grateful. It accidentally deleted somehow. It took me a few days to write something again since I didn't feel like re-writing, but I needed to.
What the post came down to is this: it's hard to be grateful when you've lost so much. It's difficult when you have pruned your life of the things that aren't providing nourishment, but still there is much to be grateful for.
I was reminded of the simple things that bring me joy through an exercise Evan did in school. They had to write down what characteristics about themselves or actions, & things they are grateful for. The note he wrote about me was that he loved that I took him to the bus stop each morning. It's funny that it seems so basic, but it's really not. That's the time we spend together in the morning laughing in the car watching funny videos & talking about all kinds of things. It makes him feel comfortable & loved.
I want everyone to feel that way, really.
To the people I really care for, who I know won't break me again, who will listen to me without judgement; I reach out with that same comfort & love.
This year, I am grateful I can cook & have the means to do so. I reached out - dropped off some chicken & dumplings (and cookies) Thanksgiving day for a family who didn't get to do anything because they were all sick. This friend has been good to me & I love her for it. She's very loving & giving to everyone. I wish everyone had her heart for others.
Thanksgiving was sad this year in some ways but a blessing in others. We didn't get together with my husband's family like usual, but we did take my mother-in-law out to dinner. That's what she wanted & it was a nice time.
Later, my family came home to relax. It was low-key & quiet. I still had that longing to be with the church family I left, but I know I need to move on. It had felt unhealthy. I wasn't growing. I also wasn't going to get the compassion I was searching for there & likely never will unless it's through counseling.
The world is a cold, scary place anymore. I wish we could all have that childlike innocence & find the simple things to be grateful for again. Often, I list things I'm grateful for (in my mind) or through my art to keep the bitterness at bay. It's necessary while I'm working through this time of change.
What does your list look like?
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